Woman tries to con widower out of a free meal, lashes out when it backfires: ‘Men are not meal tickets’

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 28, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Dating apps and online dating seem to be one of those inevitable realities that nobody really enjoys but that everyone seems to get wound up in at one point or another. It's hard to tell what someone's intentions are on the other side of a screen. Some people are just in it for yucks, some are just on it for superficial things, and apparently, some people are just on it for free meals. Hey, I'm all for getting what you can out of a situation, but people are people, not ATMs. 

One thing I've never fully understood about this tactic is this: what good is a fancy meal if you have to share it with someone you don't know that well? That removes more than half of the fun of a restaurant experience for me. But not everyone is like me, I guess, evidenced by this recent Reddit post where some such dater got her comeuppance.

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  • 01
    "Her luck finally ran out"
    via Jay Wennington
  • 02
    r/AmltheAsshole u/notyourcustodian ⚫ 6h AITA for 'cheating my coworker out of a free meal'
    via u/notyourcustodian
  • 03
    I (28m) work with this woman Lydia (24f) who has a very annoying habit. She has a dating profile that she uses specifically to lure guys to buying her expensive dinners at restaurants she wants to try and then ghosts them. Lydia brags about this all the time, and is never interested in actually dating, but she'll act like it to sell it.
    via u/notyourcustodian
  • 04
    I can't stand this because it's playing with people's hearts, but Lydia thinks of it as a life hack to try food or drinks she otherwise couldn't afford. My friend Daniel (32m) is also on dating sites, but for the right reasons. His late wife died a few years ago, and he's just started jumping back into the dating scene. Daniel's a very sweet guy, and I really want him to find a great lady for him.
    via u/notyourcustodian
  • 05
    A few days ago, he texted me asking if I knew Lydia. They matched and got to talking about work, which is how he found out we worked at the same place. I told him all about Lydia's BS with the restaurant thing, and made it very clear to him he would do best to drop things with her early on. Daniel said he'd probably still do the date but ask for separate checks.
    via u/notyourcustodian
  • 06
    Well they went out this past weekend and on Monday Lydia came into work very upset. I asked her how her date with Daniel went, and she ripped into me asking if I was the one who told him not to pay for her dinner. Apparently she had Daniel take her to a high end steakhouse and she ended up splurging. She got a drink, a full entree with a side and dessert where Daniel just ordered a sandwich and salad. Her bill alone came to $70 something, and she was almost in tears at work as she didn't expect
    via u/notyourcustodian
  • 07
    I got a little upset too as she tried to use my friend as a literal meal ticket, but somehow she doesn't see it that way. Daniel told me later the date was going kind of well until he asked for separate checks, and then Lydia just got weirdly cold. So now Lydia's mad at me because I told someone about her little tactic and it backfired on her. I don't feel like I did anything wrong since it was a grieving friend I was protecting but some other people we work with said I should have stayed out of
    via u/notyourcustodian
  • 08
    Prudent_Jello5691 • 5h Partassipant [3] NTA, her luck finally ran out. I question why Daniel still went ahead with the date after you clued him in, unless it was to show her up, in which case, fair play, it's my kind of petty.
    via u/Prudent_Jello5691
  • 09
    notyourcustodian OP. 5h He did because it's been a while since he's dated and he wants to get more comfortable with dating again after his wife died. I tried to talk him out of it altogether but he said a first date be good for him irregardless.
    via u/notyourcustodian
  • 10
    SalamalaS 5h Enthusiast [5] Like training wheels. He knew it was going to end poorly either way. So he might as well practice the whole "small talk with someone you might be interested in romantically but isnt your somewhat recently deceased wife OH GOD I miss her. Don't let it show. Don't let it sh.... don't cry at the table. don't cry at the table."
    via u/SalamalaS
  • 11
    bbbritttt 4h • This is a really good point! Almost like the stakes were so low, it calmed OP's friends nerves...even if the steaks were high $$$ I'll see myself out
    via u/bbbritttt
  • 12
    BulbasaurRanch • 5h Supreme Court Just- [135] NTA She did this to herself. You didn't "cheat her" out of anything. Her shameful ruse didn't work. If she can't afford her food, then she shouldn't go to the restaurant. You did what was right and protected your friend from a scammer. The people saying you did wrong are people with opinions not worth caring about.
    via u/BulbasaurRanch
  • 13
    SheOutOfBubbleGum • 4h "She ended up splurging" Yeah I hate it when I accidentally order food I can't afford
    via u/SheOutOfBubbleGum
  • 14
    NTA Abstruse 5h Partassipant [3] This is a con known as "Lonely Hearts Scam" or just "Romance Scam". You pretend to be romantically interested in someone, suck up as many gifts as you can, then ghost them. They often target widows/ widowers because they're emotionally vulnerable. Lydia will deny it up and down because she doesn't see herself that way, but she's literally a con artist taking advantage of people.
    via u/Abstruse
  • 15
    NTA. Diligent-Comfort-191 • 5h Enthusiast [6] TBH I'm surprised that it doesn't happen to her more often. As a guy, if I were taking someone to dinner on a date and saw them splurge at the expensive end of the menu I'd call for separate bills at the end of the evening just to gauge the reaction. It would tell you an awful lot about your date.
    via u/Diligent-Comfort-191
  • 16
    NTA yukidaviji. 5h Pooperintendant [59] Men are not meal tickets. She's hurting people by just using them for food. You warned your friend who wants a true relationship after the death of his wife that she wasn't what he was looking for. You protected him. You did nothing wrong. Lydia needs to pay for her own meals. She FAFO'd.
    via u/yukidaviji
  • 17
    Justanothersaul Partassipant [1] • 5h It was your business, Daniel is your friend and you protected him. You would have been a bad friend if you didn't warn him. I wish there was a way the other people she is gonna date were informed too. NTA, Lydia has been lying and exploiting people to get a thrill and a fancy meal. She is an ash and the same goes for your coworkers that criticize you.
    via u/Justanothersaul
  • 18
    Sundaeeeee • 5h NTA. Dates are supposed to be 2 people wanting to know each other and both parties should have the capability to pay for their own meal unless the other person insisted to cover the entire bill. The fact that Lydia was mad at you after the date completely validates your decision to warn Daniel about it. Change your perspective and think about this instead. You helped Daniel save some money and you helped Lydia realize that this is the consequences of her actions.
    via u/Sundaeeeee
  • 19
    New-Comment2668 5h Aficionado [12] NTA. Lydia however is a grade A jerk. The fact that she uses men to buy her expensive dinners and then ghosts them is beyond the pale. Maybe this will teach her a lesson, but she sounds entirely too self- centered for it to have a long term effect.
    via u/New-Comment2668

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